Monday, October 24, 2011

Stupid Shit Sarah Lawrence Kids Say, Part 2...

Thomas Jefferson: Hipster Friendly

It’s a classic Sarah Lawrence paradox: You go to the most expensive private school in America, and yet you’re a hipster. How do you simultaneously brag about how much money you have while demonstrating how unique you are? This is how…

A group of Sarah Lawrence students sit at a table in a coffee shop, doing whatever. There are three of them, perhaps all girls, perhaps not. One line that comes out is, “I used to do that when I was a girl, and now that I’m not a girl, I still do that.” Whatever, that's a digression in itself...

A fourth student comes in, definitely male -- pink knit sweater, purple polo shirt underneath. Completely unique. He pulls from his pocket a stack of fresh, crisp bills an inch thick, bound together with a blue hair tie.

“Check this out,” he says, flipping through the greenbacks like playing cards. Then he pulls one from the pile and hands it to one of the girls.

It’s a two dollar bill.

A whole stack of $2 bills.

By the size of the stack, it has to be at least $400. Of $2 bills.

“Who is on the two dollar bill?,” one of them asks. She looks at the one being passed around. “Thomas Jefferson? He got screwed over.”

He then beings to produce rolls of 50cent pieces.

“Is that Kennedy?,” another one asks. He doesn’t even know, and has to look at one of the coins.

“I guess so,” he says.

One of them asks the question he’s been waiting for. “So you just went to the bank and asked for a lot of fucked up currency?”

“Yeah,” he says with a smile. Mission accomplished.Score one for the SLC kid.

The purpose of his visit seems to be only bragging; the conversation is over just as soon as he demonstrates how even though he has money, his money is not like your money. He leaves very soon after stuffing the money back in his pocket.

Going outside to his bike, and standing on a public street, he produces the stack of greenbacks yet again, this time to transfer it to a different pocket.

All at once, SLC has a new slogan…

“Sarah Lawrence College: Where Even Money is Hipster.”

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